Start Your Engines

I leave tomorrow morning. These past two weeks in Vermont have been exactly what I needed them to be: full of community, love, and a deep appreciation of how much I’ve grown since coming here. I moved to Vermont thinking I would be here for six months, learn how to bartend and a bit about distilling; and then move back to LA for community college, more bartending, and picking up where I left off. 

At my favorite Vermont dive bar

Instead, I’ve been here for over a year, and while I did learn how to be a kickass bartender, I also came into myself in a way I wasn’t expecting. I settled into my gender and sexuality.  I gained confidence, surety, and a deeper sense of purpose. I opened my heart back up to new people and new experiences. Relationships I was expecting to return to have ended, and I have new relationships that I’m sad to leave behind. I’ve fallen in and out of love. 

I am still not ready for this trip. My to-do list only grows. I still need to pack my car, plot my route in my new road atlas, and hopefully secure a few more couches to crash on. Most of my boxes are packed, but there are always the things you have to wait on. And of course, in true queer fashion, I’ve spent the last two weeks falling head over heels for someone I’ve only just met and don’t know when I’ll see again. 

What’s a first date without a sunflower?

I am following my intuition for this journey, following what feels right. This is the longest trip I’ve ever taken, and only the second time I’ve ever traveled alone. I am terrified, but so, so excited. 

The other night, I lit some incense and a candle and sat before my altar for the last time in Vermont. I thought about this trip, about what I want to discover about myself and the journey, about what I want to take away from this all when I finally arrive back in Los Angeles. I pulled three tarot cards, one for my present state, one for the road itself, and one for the future after this trip has been completed. For all you tarot queers (and I know there’s a lot of you), I pulled first the Ace of Cups inverted (I love the cups,), then the Eight of Cups upright, and finally, the Magician upright. Feel free to interpret that on your own, but for me, that told me that I am starting this journey from a place of divine love and joy, particularly love for myself and my path. The journey itself is leading me away from something I thought I wanted or decided no longer served me, and may change again along the way, but at the end, I am going to have everything I need to make my dreams a reality. 

Cheers Vermont

These last few days in the Green Mountains are going to be a whirlwind, but I’m ready for the journey ahead. I am full of purpose, of love, and of determination. I am open to the experiences I am about to have, and how they will change me along the way. I hope you are too. 

In love and light,

Zoo.